Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Another Behind-the-Scenes Exposé!

I always imagine Valentine’s Day will be perfect! Sadly, it never happens. This is how my homemade efforts look to you …
Pretty in pink ... a gelatin heart

And this is how things sometimes turn out …

No one can break this heart!

Pretty as my gelatin heart may appear in the first photo, it’s the second shot that tells the story! One is not supposed to be able to dangle a gelatin dessert in mid-air. But thanks to a small miscalculation in the kitchen ... Earthquakes and tornadoes can’t dent this Valentine heart! Stones bounce right off! It’s not only inedible, but indestructible! You know the term “nailing jelly to the wall”? It turns out you really can!
I’m math-challenged. So when the recipe I tested yesterday called for a certain amount of gelatin, I divided ounces by grams to calculate the number of packets I would need. I figured 29 should do the trick. Seriously. Twenty! Nine! Packets!
Gee, I thought. Most recipes require only one! So I did the math again. And happily arrived at five packages of gelatin. Five! The mixture did seem rather thick, but I cooked away, only belatedly realizing (i.e., when Ron ran the numbers) that a single package of gelatin was all I’d ever needed. 
What to do with a permanent gelatin Valentine? What would you do? I welcome any and all ideas. 
Mount it in a picture frame? Use it as a NERF (Non-Expandable Recreational Foam) ball? Pretend it’s a Frisbee? Maybe sell it to Goodyear as the prototype for a non-puncturing tire? Or use it as a speed hump? Or generously tell the people over at the World Series that they’ve got themselves a new home plate
I could always patent it as a new type of super glue, or chain-saw it into chunks for use as school erasers. I could call NASA with an offer to insulate the walls of the space station. Or use it as a head rest in the car. True romantics may want to give or use it as a codpiece (Rush to your dictionaries, Dollinks! The definition of that has nothing to do with fish). Valentine’s Day, perfect?don’t think so, but at least Ron and I can laugh about it. In cooking, as in life, that’s important!
Note: For another shocking exposé, see my Sour Apple Martini blog of Jan. 20.


  1. Use it as an emotional pin cushion. Better yet - as a WHOOPEE CUSHION!

  2. This would make a great stepping stone for the garden! - Jeanna

  3. Orthotics for a two-toed sloth?

  4. Not bad, Dollink! With a Y-shaped stick and an elastic band, Cupid might have himself a slingshot. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! xox Nicole


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