Saturday, September 21, 2013

Frat House “Lifted” Eggs with Cheese

Listen up, college boys! When you or your personal servant (aka your mother) “scramble” eggs, they never taste quite right. They’re knobbly and a little tough, and sometimes - ewwwww! - leave a trickle of liquid on the serving plate. “Lifted” eggs are so much better, while lifted eggs with cheese elevate this simple recipe to gourmet status. 

Can't see this video? Check out ... No heavy lifting required!

You clever Frat boys can tell I’m passionate about these eggs! Just look at all the italics and exclamation marks I’ve used! And look at that fancy word “knobbly”! It means “with lumps and a misshapen appearance”. When I was a college girl, I dated plenty of college boys who looked exactly like that. Buck up! You’ll grow out of it to live happily after, so sit down and read up about these wonderful eggs. This recipe serves one. Do the math and use a larger skillet if you want more.

Frat House “Lifted” Eggs with Cheese:

About 1 tbsp. butter or margarine and/or oil for frying
2 eggs per-person (knobbly college boys may prefer 3 or even 4)
1 tbsp. whole milk or light cream
Dash of salt, to taste 
One slice cello-wrapped sandwich cheese, broken into 10 or 12 pieces

In a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat, melt butter with a little oil (see Note). Add eggs and a splash of milk to bowl, combining well with a fork or whisk. Add salt as desired (see Kvetch-Kvetch Note). Immediately pour into hot skillet. 

Allow to sit and bubble about a minute. Using a firm cooking spatula, gently lift the egg mixture around the pan’s edges, allowing the liquid mass from the centre to slide underneath. As the eggs start to solidify, dot them with cheese (see Crass Commercial Note). The exact timing depends on the number of eggs you use. Do not overcook. Slide from pan onto plate. Delicious!

Note: Adding a little oil keeps the butter from burning.

Kvetch-Kvetch Note: Ever heard of the salt shaker test? Of course not! You’re undergrads! A research study that manipulated the number and size of holes in a salt shaker concluded that salt-loving subjects shook the shaker the same number of times whether it delivered a little or a lot of salt. This shows how much of what we do is governed by habit. Most of us consume far, far too much salt, with negative consequences to our health. Reduce your salt consumption lest you be knobbly for life. 

Crass Commercial Note: I use Kraft, but any wrapped sandwich cheese will do. Its vaguely cheddar flavor is exactly what you want for this recipe. A stronger-flavored cheddar would overwhelm the eggs. 

Frat Note: You could always ask the poor sot you’re currently hazing to prepare your eggs with brie and let him watch you eat them, but that would not be nice and I don’t recommend it, even if I do recommend the brie. 

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