Raising the Monkey Bar: Three Tropical Drinks

I must confess a few truths, Dollinks. I’m normally a light drinker, but on our recent holiday to a warm, faraway place, I allowed myself to enjoy too many tropical drinks as the monkeys screamed in the jungle. And what did they scream, you ask?

“Eeee-eeee-eeee!” Translation: “Don’t eat our bananas!” Animal lover that I am, I paid attention - and drank their bananas instead, downing more than a few banana cocktails during our vacation. Let me tell you, peeling bananas in Paradise is a whole lot more fun than peeling potatoes at home.  

But home, we eventually came. You know the drill - do the laundry, stock the fridge, buy a bunch of - erk! - bananas. I drank them all. In one hour of testing - ever testing - drink recipes for you.

Don’t try this at home! Don’t … drink … three … boozy … banana … cocktails … in a 60-minute span. I felt sick. I was reeling. But on I pressed in the line of duty. I’d cribbed three banana cocktail recipes from bar menus and was determined to relive my vacation experience. I had to stop when I ran out of bananas, too swoozled to make dinner and too stuffed with bananas to care. I will probably never peel another banana. “Eeee-eeee-eeee!” Look who’s a monkey, now! 

Dizzy Monkey:

Three 5-oz. glasses of crushed ice, divided

1 jigger Irish Cream liqueur (or make your own!)

1 jigger coconut liqueur 

½ jigger vodka

1 banana, mashed

Add 2 glasses of crushed ice to martini shaker or blender. Measure in liqueurs, vodka, and banana. Vigorously shake or whirl in blender. Serve over remaining glass of crushed ice in a chilled old-fashioned glass. Decorate with an unpeeled, wide slice of banana, sliced midway up the center and perched at the edge of the glass. Serves one.

Note: If you don’t have an ice crusher, use a rolling pin to pound ice cubes sealed in a Ziploc bag wrapped in a towel. A heavy-duty blender will also crush ice. Don’t peel the banana you slice to decorate your drink; keep the slice generous and it won’t fall apart. Make a small slice halfway through the banana chunk, perching it on the glass. Pop in a straw. 

Pour Irish liqueur over ice in shaker or blender.

Add coconut liqueur or rum with coconut flavoring.

Monkey Juice:

Three 5-oz. (148 mL each) glasses of crushed ice, divided 

1 jigger coconut cream (or ½ jigger coconut milk plus ½ jigger heavy cream)

1 jigger light rum

1 banana

Add two glasses crushed ice to blender. Measure in coconut cream, rum, and banana. Whirl on high speed. Serve over remaining crushed ice in chilled glass. Decorate side of glass as desired, with banana slice, a sliver of star fruit, or a chunk of fresh pineapple. Serves one.

Add coconut cream (or coconut milk and heavy cream).

Together with light rum.

Prepare banana garnish.

Serve and enjoy!

Funky Monkey:

Two 5-oz. 5-oz. (148 mL each) glasses crushed ice

1 jigger almond liqueur

1 jigger gold rum

1 jigger heavy cream

1 small banana

Add two glasses of crushed ice, almond liqueur, gold rum, heavy cream, and banana to blender. Whirl on high speed. Decorate chilled glass as desired, adding a straw. 

Add crushed ice to blender.

Add heavy cream.

Pour into chilled glasses and decorate.

Note: To chill drink glasses fast, fill them with ice cubes. 

No more monkey business! This is a Banana-Free Zone.